Okay, okay, so I know you've heard the story. And I know it sounds kind of crazy. But I think it's time I set the record straight. This is going to sound bad, but hear me out!
So the first brother comes up to my pond. He's looking pretty rough, like he just chased a deer for some twigs or something. Seems like a weird activity, but hey, I'm one to talk, right? Point is, he's looking pretty parched, and I can tell he's got one thing on his mind as he approaches the edge of my pond. So I say to him, "Hey, kid. You can have all the water you want, but first I need you to answer some questions." Reasonable request, right?
APPARENTLY NOT. Because this kid -- he doesn't even say a word! -- he just bends right over and helps himself. Um, hello? Disembodied voice here? I'm just trying to be polite, jerk!
So then of course, the next thing he does is fall over dead. Typical! Whatever, it's not like I didn't warn him.
Now I'm back at square one, except now there's a dead guy hanging out next to me, and I'm kind of mulling over what just happened. Mostly, I'm just thinking about the lack of common courtesy people show ponds these day.
Then, before I know it, the same guy walks down to my pond. I'm thinking, 'uhh... okay...?' but I say to him pretty much the same thing I said before. "Hey! Maybe I wasn't clear the first time, but you really can't drink until you've answered my questions." Again, no response. Again, he helps himself. Again, dead.
By this point, I'm thinking my morning can't get any weirder. How many more times am I going to have to tell one dude to hold off on my pond until I get my answers?
I got my answer pretty soon with a different guy comes down the same path. I realized he kind of looked like the other two -- who I figure must have actually been twins, not the same guy twice -- and that's when I realized that all these guys were related.
He seems older though, and way stronger, so I start hoping that he'll be a little more cautious than his dumb younger brothers.
I start into my usual greeting. "Hey there, I need your help. Answer my questions, and I'll let you have all the water you can dri--"
"YOU TALKIN' TO ME?" he interrupts.
"Um. Yes. You. With the bow. Don't drink this water yet. I need you to answer some questions first."
"Oh, you want answers?! Well, maybe ask my arrows!"
He starts loosing arrows into the water. Seriously. He did that. I couldn't make this up. I didn't say anything. Like, what can you say?
After a long freak out session, he finally lays his bow down triumphantly and drinks from my pond. He dies. Honestly, by this point I'm kind of thinking good riddance.
A couple minutes later a fourth brother comes down. You know the drill by this point. "Hey, don't drink from this water yet." He drinks from the water. He's dead now.
Real talk: I was feeling pretty ready to give up. I guess people just have no respect for ponds anymore.
Finally, a fifth brother approached. I tried not to sound too over the whole thing, but I know I wasn't as polite as I was the first time around.
"HEY. DON'T. DRINK. THIS. WATER. Yet. I really need you to answer some questions."
"Speak and I will answer thee."
Wait, what? I'm stunned. Did I finally find the one guy reasonable enough to listen to a pond?
I'm feeling pretty cautiously optimistic. "Who makes the sun rise?" I inquire hesitantly.
He answers without even thinking: "Brahma maketh the sun rise."
Oh, that's right! He's right! I'm stoked, so I fire off a few more questions. "Okay, who keeps Brahma company? Who makes the sun go down? In whom is the sun established?"
He's answering just as rapid-fire: "The gods accompany him; Dharma maketh the sun to set; in truth is the sun established."
YESSS. I've hit the jackpot. I asked him riddle after riddle, and he didn't sweat the whole time. This guy was a real scholar!
After what seemed like a million questions, all of my homework was done and my teacher's curse on my pond was lifted.That's right -- contrary to what you might have heard, none of this was my fault. I tried to warn everyone, but nobody ever listens to me.
Anyway, I guess the smart guy's dad had been watching, so he restored his dumb brothers' lives and gave him some sweet godly rewards.
Whatever, at least I got my pond back!
Author's note: The second half of the Mahabharata was filled with so much negativity, and the stories I've previously written drew more upon the darkness of their source, so with this week's storytelling I decided to try something completely different. This particular story was so strange it was almost funny, so I've chosen to play that up. It definitely felt weird for me to attempt the lighter tone; given how important the stories of the Mahabharata are to Indian culture, I definitely didn't want to come across as dismissive or insensitive. I always hesitate to poke fun at something that isn't native to me, so in this story, I tried to walk the line between tongue-in-cheek and disrespectful.
I changed the ending because I wanted to tell highlight the unique peculiarities of this encounter through a casual, conversational voice, and the original story didn't have as much room for that. In the original, the voice belongs to Dharma, god of wisdom and justice, who reveals himself as the "celestial sire" of Yudhishthura. My invented narrator is perhaps a yacht with a lot of homework.
