Learning Challenges: Embracing Empathy

In the past year, I've undergone a huge transformation in the way I view the world and interact with its inhabitants. It began when I realized that I wanted to work with inner city kids, which itself came about because of my interest in social justice and desire to combat inequality in our school system. At that time, I knew that the way our society treats impoverished and minority students -- expecting them to bootstrap their way to success given very little if any of the same resources as their affluent peers, and then punishing them for the rest of their lives for failing under impossible odds -- was morally incorrect. I knew I wanted to do what I could to help. 
So when I started my job at El Sistema, which specifically targets at-risk children, I came in with the expectation that it wasn't going to be an easy job. And it absolutely isn't! My students can be really difficult to work with -- they are capable of unbelievable cruelty, directed toward each other and their teachers. But I knew that in order to help my students (and to maintain my own sanity), I needed to try to understand why they acted that way.
Every time a student acts out, or is disrespectful, or seems reluctant to participate, my first reaction has to be questioning the reason for such behavior. I find that it's almost always a combination of factors, usually related to their home lives, their other teachers, or their own insecurities. A lot of these things are outside of my direct sphere of influence, so I can't usually address the source problem, but simply taking the time to understand and legitimize a child's concerns -- letting them know that it's okay to feel upset, or frustrated, or scared -- helps them not only acknowledge these feelings, but also identify productive ways of dealing with them. Luckily, I teach a subject perfectly equipped for emotional expression!

The idea of the learning challenge comes in when I'm not at El Sistema. My students can be pains, but it's super easy to empathize with them; partially, because they're adorable, hilarious little goobers, and partially because I have insight into their backgrounds and the factors that influence their behavior. 
However, I've noticed in this last semester that my teacher thought processes (why are they acting that way? what is influencing their behavior right now? how can I help both of us understand?) have started creeping into my home and school lives. When a classmate is acting immaturely, for example, or my roommate does something frustrating, I find my brain going through the same routine, asking those questions I so often ask myself about my students. It honestly feels like a habit that I've developed and now perform unintentionally.
Even though this process seems so simple and intuitive, I'm embarrassed to say that it's been quite a change for me! I'm realizing that I used to be a very un-empathetic person. I thought I was just holding people accountable for their behavior, so in turn I acted judgmentally and impatiently. I'm also a naturally analytical problem-solver, so I preferred giving out advice and "silver linings," as Brené Brown puts it, instead of providing the connection people actually seek. Although it should have been obvious, I've slowly learned that legitimizing feelings is just as helpful to adults as it is to my students!
Once I recognized the change in my thought process, I knew that this needed to be a permanent change. It's been a huge internal battle, erasing old bad habits and embracing newer, healthier ones. This semester, I'm really hopeful that participating in the Empathy learning challenges can help reinforce my new and improved way of life!

"This will be our reply to violence: to make music more intensely, more beautifully, more devotedly than ever before." 

Leonard Bernstein

I like to share this quote with my students when they feel as though they have no outlet for their emotions, to remind them that this very struggle is the reason why music is worth doing.

Photograph by Jack Mitchell. Found on Wikimedia. Licensed under Creative Commons.