Author's note: My heart broke for Amba when I read her story. I loved her complexity: strong but fragile, unstoppable but fundamentally broken. I also enjoyed the depiction of Ganga's time on earth, and thought that an interaction between these two similar but opposite women might be interesting.
In the original story, Ganga is the mother of Bhishma, who takes an oath to never take the throne. Instead, he wins by abduction three princesses to wed the eventual king, but releases the eldest, Amba, when she confesses that she in in love with another king. Her lover is embarrassed by his defeat, however, and turns her away. Amba then lives in a hermitage, where she prays so devotedly Shiva appears and grants her a wish; by this time, she has come to blame Bhishma for her misfortune, so she asks for his destruction. Shiva says that she will be reincarnated as a warrior who will destroy Bhishma, and Amba is so impatient for this she immediately throws herself on a funeral pyre.
The instrument mentioned, the jal tarang, is an ancient Indian percussion instrument made from various ceramic bowls filled with water. I thought its droplet-like timbre and associations with water were beautiful and perfect for this context. Link to a short video which features the instrument.
The Ganges River in Varanasi. Source
Amba faded from the earth, flames consuming her vision and her own voice ringing in her ears, echoing into infinity: "I do this for the destruction of Bhishma! To obtain a new body for the destruction of Bhishma do I enter this fire! I do this for the destruction of Bhishma! To obtain a new body for the destruction of Bhishma...!"
Then all was black. The echo rang on, but muffled, as if through a heavy curtain -- "...do I enter this fire! I do this for the destruction..."
All that existed was the distorted voice. Amba felt nothing, saw nothing, had no sense even of her own body; she occupied no space in the blackness, or maybe she was the blackness itself; as her mind turned itself inside-out in search of orientation, she decided that she must be either an expansive abyss or a minuscule singularity. The fury that had fueled her soul for so long faded in an instant; her soul mirrored her surroundings, black and empty and unforgivingly numb.
"...of Bhishma! To obtain a new body for the destruction of Bhishma do I enter..."
The voice became more muffled, and a fuzzy distortion rounded out its shrill edges. Each syllable became lightly disjointed from the next until their tones were more jal tarang than voice; at the same time, the distortion unfocused into a soothing hush sound, whispering into Amba's ear, or perhaps emanating from Amba herself.
Finally, the sounds refocused, but Amba no longer recognized her own voice; instead she heard water, coursing and trickling, lapping in waves at a non-existent shore. Her existence felt wet but murky, so she was unsure whether she was in water or had become it.
Finally, the blackness turned blue, and Amba heard a voice that sent ripples from the water into Amba's soul and out again.
"Brave, foolish child."
Amba tried to call out to the voice, but no words formed, only bubbles, rising up through infinite water.
"Poor Amba. Unfortunate girl."
In the blue, Amba thought for a moment that she saw floating in the water an enormous orb, which became an eye, then two, then water once more.
"Such courage. Passion. Pain."
Pain, Amba thought. Pain?
"Pain enkindling wrath. Bravery. Foolishness. Poor Amba."
Pain. Pain. Pain.
The water began moving around her, as though agitated by sharp winds. Memories crept into Amba's consciousness like a thick fog. Blackness. Flames. Her own voice.
"...this fire! I do this for the destruction of..."
"Your resolve is admirable, unfortunate girl, but I fear you have misapplied it."
More memories: Shalwa, her love. Her love's face. Her love's face as he turned her away. His scorn. His disgust. The pain. Another face. The water was turbulently heaving now, this way and that.
"My son was only trying to help."
The face. The flames. Her wrath. Her pain.
The water was roiling violently, and suddenly hot, burning Amba's entire being, scalding her body and her spirit with white-hot tides, crashing into her from every direction.
"I pray you find peace, child."
And then blue became white, and water became fire became earth, and Amba existed once more.
Bibliography: Myths of the Hindus and Buddhists by Sister Nivedita (1914). Found in PDE Mahabharata.
Kayla, this was such an intriguing story! I had read a footnote about Amba in the Mahabharata, but hadn’t given her much additional thought. I found the description of her going through the oblivion/transitioning into her new form. I especially liked the addition of details like the jal tarang; I didn’t know what that was before this story, so it was great to learn about it! This was such a well written story, nice job!
ReplyDeleteKayla, this was a beautiful re telling of Amba's death and rebirth. Your depiction of the water (AKA Ganga) as moving at first peacefully then with wrath was enchanting. It felt like Amba was in some limbo and it was interesting to have her forget her reason for joining the fire and then slowly regaining her memory. It was a nice touch that you added a video link about the instrument too. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Kayla, I really enjoyed your story! I thought you did a fantastic job on your word choice and sentence structure. I also liked the fluidity throughout the story. Also, it almost turned into a poem there at the end which really gave it an interesting, but appropriate feel because of the state that Amba was in. It was almost as if the was a constantly morphing amoebic shape that was floating in space (at least, that is the feeling that I got). Anyway, I think you did a fantastic job! One thing that I think you could change is to make the entire story how the ending is. There are short and abrupt sentences that give the story a unique sense of direction. Lastly, you did a great job at making the reader feel like Amba did She was confused at what and where she was, and that is the feeling that the reader gets as well throughout the story. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteYou need to put your Author's Note at the end of your story. Also, your story was confusing to read at times. You need to tag all the dialogue, so that the reader knows who is talking when.
ReplyDeleteI did appreciate your unique writing style, and creative way of writing! Just make sure that each paragraph and such is spaced the same as other ways.
I also found that there was some dialogue and such that could be tightened up to be just even better.
But, other than that you have written a good story with an interesting take on what we'be read.
Kayla, I enjoyed reading your story and you displaying your creativity. You did a good job. I especially enjoyed the description of Amba’s situation and the voice(s) that she heard while being engulfed in water. Expressing her uncertainty in the story what was happening to her was great. I was able to somewhat follow the story and its smoothness. For me, there were two troublesome areas. There were two sentences I was confused on while reading, which was the last sentence and the third sentence from the end. However, I was able to grasp the story how you had conveyed it so all in all it was not a huge issue.
ReplyDeleteHi Kayla! I am so happy that your story was about Amba. As cynical as it sounds, I loved her struggles. I felt like everything was so intense all the time in her life. You did a great job in explaining the feelings behind each character's action. When the water was moving around I felt like I was imagining the Airbender or something. It was a tad hard to follow who was saying what in the beginning but I got the hang of it at the end. I also liked the pictures you added. Bravo on finding that video! I like having instrumental music playing most of the time when I read or write so it was a nice touch for the setting of your story. It was unique too, to watch someone make music with the bowls. It reminds me of the way people play covers of song using glass with different levels of water and tracing the rims to exhilarate the sound.
ReplyDeleteProject Feedback: I instantly noticed your font. I have to say I like it! It gives the blog a different feel, making it not only prettier but more feminine. The only problem is; it makes the comments way harder to read. Also, your second photo is a little off kilter (which I’m sure someone has already told you, make sure you center it :)
ReplyDeleteI found you had some really powerful description which I really liked. It made me stop for a bit and think that’s intense. That character is intense, the place is intense. I think that is beyond great and shows that you have a set direction in where you want the story to go. Your descriptions were wonderful and the overall feel of the story made it seem like I was reading some sort of poetry. I really enjoyed it, great job! I Hope I get to read more of your stories!
Kayla, this story was great! I like that you focused on a more minor character of the Mahabharata. It did seem to me that Amba was kind of left on the wayside.
ReplyDeleteI think my favorite part of your story is the structure. With the repeated mantra surrounding really descriptive text of what Amba was hearing, you really brought me into the scene. I enjoyed the juxtaposition of water and fire. I think it creates interesting imagery, and I also like how you gave each properties that made it feel like the other.
I think the flashbacks of her previous life, with her lover were great imagery. But, it felt a little brief. I think if you expanded on it with some images of Bhishma and how that affect her perception of Shalwa, I think it would make for an interesting binary perspective.
I was also left wondering how Amba got into the fire. You might want to begin the story with her jumping into the flames and her experience as she is initially consumed by them.
All said, though, I think your story is in a great state as is, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.
Hi Kayla! Just got done reading your Portfolio story. You did a great job with the plot, grammar, and setting. One of the interesting parts of the story was reading through your story and the dialogue you wrote. I like reading the dialogue because I find it to be one of the main parts of a good story. The dialogue in your story made for a much for interesting story. It also created for a much more interesting story because the dialogue created a better idea of what was happening in the story. I also found that the detail you provided in the dialogue made the story much easier to read. It created a storyline and then how you told me more about how the story evolved. Besides for the dialogue you did a good job explaining the story behind the dialogue. You introduced the characters well in the story created which made it even better.
ReplyDeleteHi Kayla,
ReplyDeleteYou did an awesome job with this story! You do a great job at making your characters very detailed. The grammar was pretty much perfect from what I could see. I like that you included dialogue! I am pretty horrible at doing that and so I love reading peoples stories that show me how to introduce it into my stories. Your story is very easy to read and understand. I like that. My only suggestion is that you put your author's note at the bottom. I just prefer it that way. I mean, it was awesome to know what the story was about before reading it, but I kind of like trying to figure it out myself before reading the authors note. Just a personal preference tho. Keep up the great work this semester!
Hi, Kayla!
ReplyDeleteI love that you had your author’s note first. Since I couldn’t quite remember the story of Amba, it was really helpful in giving me some idea of what was going on. While I always put mine last, I think placing it before the story was really effective in this case.
Your word choice was fantastic! Your narrative flowed really well, though some of the sentences could have been broken up a bit more. Overall, I loved your story! It was really well done, and I will definitely be coming back to read more.
Kayla,
ReplyDeleteThis story completely drew me in! In all these stories we have read, I have never pictured what being reborn must consist of, and how it works when you have a specific purpose that has been laid out by the gods for you.
There were many things I didn't expect, like her hearing someone talking about how sad it was what she had done. I also don't understand why she would be in pain. Curious, what did she end up being reincarnated as? If it is in the Mahabharata then I have completely forgotten (oops!).
I liked that you put the author's note first, because if you hadn't, I would have been completely lost the whole way through. I think the author's note is a crucial part to this writing, and deciding where it goes and what details it divulges is just as important as the backstory.
I look forward to reading more from you!
Hi Kayla,
ReplyDeleteI loved your story! I also appreciate the video of the jal tarang -- between that, the funky abstract background of your blog layout, and the style of writing, you have set up a neat atmosphere for the story of Amba. I was happy to see someone addressing her; I had pretty much forgotten her tale after reading the Mahabharata until I read the novel "The Palace of Illusions," in which she is mentioned a bit more. I find her story one of the most heartbreaking ones, where she is caught up in the social mores of her time. Her situation between Bhishma and her love is inescapable in her lifetime, and it's just such a sad predicament for her to be placed in, especially by no fault of her own.
Anyway, I thought you did a great job capturing her pain and turmoil. This is one of the best-written stories I've read this semester. :)
Hey Kayla,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your story. I like how you included your author’s note first to set the stage for what the reader will soon read and how it will be different than the original. Also, the video you added in is a great tribute to the story and as well as the image, because it is nice to visually imagine what the author is imagining when writing the story. You have a great writing style and it is very detailed and informative, which is the kind of writing I love to read. I think that your story flows very well and is visually pleasing to the reader as well. Wow, I can’t believe that Amba is getting into this funeral pyre, that is crazy! I wonder what this was like for spectators. It would be interesting to see what perspective a spectator would have on this situation and how they would explain the scene. Great work Kayla!
Kayla,
ReplyDeleteYou are a very creative writer and your story reads with a really great flow. I love that you had the authors note at the beginning of the story. I think that because I was able to read the authors note first it really added to the story and made it more enjoyable to read. I also like that you took the time to address the instrument that was mentioned because a lot of people are not familiar with Indian culture and those instruments. I really enjoyed watching that video and I thought it was neat that you embedded it in your storytelling post.
I thought that the story overall was great, although it is a sad story you wrote it very well and it was enjoyable to read. I found myself being able to relate to Amba and feeling very sorry for her. That is a testament to your writing talent! Great Job!